


is that the CAT CAFE HERO

by deltacrow



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: (thank god), Alternate Universe: Mineta Minoru is Sir Not Appearing in this Fic, Gen, Shinsou Hitoshi Replaces Mineta Minoru, Vines, arc 1: foggy nelson needs better friends and im tearing apart everything in the daredevil universe, i swear they actually have relevance. i swear to you., ill actually tag shit when we hit some plot, im so sorry for this, introducing: Pizza Hands the Raccoon, workout buddies & jogging buddies babey!!!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2019-12-18 08:38:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18246290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deltacrow/pseuds/deltacrow
Summary: A warp quirk and a black hole quirk walk into the USJ and interact in the worst kind of way; elsewhere, a portal tearing the weft of the universe asunder opens over an eyesore of a tower. Aliens invade, we fight, the Avengers win, and everyone goes home.--But home, sometimes, is temporary shelter in an abandoned apartment building housing 20 spatially/temporally displaced children and their 2 long-suffering teachers. --One teacher and an adjunct.





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> (a camp NaNoWriMo 2019 project now)  
> so as of 4/4 ive had to scrap all of c3 and redo it so oops? sorry? ive got some barebones shit but im mostly focused on trying to crank out words you feel? i probably wont be updating until May at least just to keep pressure off of myself.
> 
> lmk in the comments or on tumblr if theres anything you'd like to see; i have to redo the MCU timeline for this so basically post Avengers (2012) anything goes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im so fucking sorry for a) never updating and b) starting a new series!! except im not!! one of these days ill learn but todays not that day.
> 
> the thought (that we will be exploring in the next chapter) is that kurogiri's portal quirk, when interacting with 13s black hole quirk, basically interacted with such violent fashion that we start teleporting to other dimensions. bc of the chitauri invasion, happening at roughly an equivalent time (TALK TO ME ABT MY BNHA TIMELINE THESIS), they all end up in the MCU. As one cant connect a doorway to an existing doorway, creating a double doorway, they exit out of a separate portal hole & kick some ass, then go to ground. we kind of fuck over canon for ages.

SHIELD invited Reed Richards, PhD, to the Chitauri Aftermath Debrief, and Reed Richards, PhD could only be described as the biggest disaster in the room. He fidgeted constantly in the seat next to Bruce’s; pulled at his own shirt cuffs, jackhammered his leg into the floor, and made minute adjustments to his horrendous paisley bowtie every other second. Bruce could feel himself greening up just by being in a three foot radius of Reed Richards, PhD.

“The guy focuses on theoretical physics-- wormholes,” Tony whispered to him earlier. “What's the point? He's not good at addressing a crowd of people, he can't manage layman's terms like Spangles over there can't handle the talkies."

Bruce might have appreciated the commentary if he couldn't do some basic deductive reasoning, thanks, but he'd been appreciating Reed Richards, PhD even less when he pulled out his phone and somehow opened up his powerpoint presentation on that. God, whatever happened to flash drives, seriously.

Bruce had already taken a look at most of the data. JARVIS-- bless his robotic heart-- had compiled the majority of it from the tower itself. Bruce had felt comfortable just ten minutes ago with zoning out on the entire thing. He’d been meditating-- okay, halfway to a nap-- until the entire floor, led by Tony and (surprisingly) Clint, erupted into absolute chaos.

Bruce stands up and cranes for a better look at the screen, and studies the patterns. (God, is that modeled in MATLab? Doesn't he have better software by now? Is there better software now?) He notes the different distribution patterns and tunes into Reed Richards, PhD, who is trying to regain control of his audience. “--there is no _evidence_ of extraterrestrial specimen beyond the Chitauri, merely a _supposition--”_

“I’m sorry,” Bruce asks Steve who has come to join him, “are there _secret_ alien invaders now?”

“The _supposition_ of secret alien invaders.” Steve squints at the map again. “But with this crowd, I don't see much of a difference.”

 

\--- ---

 

In Hell's Kitchen, a group of children are being conducted by a short-statured person in a space helmet and parka. They tape up the cracks and wrap up crumbling supports. Down the street, in an internet café with minimal damage in comparison, a tired man in a sweatsuit is awoken from a nap by a violent sneeze. He startles the two children with him.

“Do you have a cold now, Mr. Dad,” the girl deadpans. “We rely on you, we can't have you catching a cold.”

“God, please, no,” the man sighs. “Someone was badmouthing me. Probably Mic, that bastard.”

The boy gasps, “language, Mr. Dad! What kind of example are you setting for your impressionable students!”

“Kaminari, Jirou, never call me that ever again, or I’m expelling you the second we get home.”

Kaminari grins, a PC sparking to life. He holds the cord in his hand, sparks dancing between his fingers. “Sure thing, Professor Father.”

The man groans into his scarf, _“I fucking hate teaching freshman.”_


	2. please put down the pipe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> usj: START  
> ...usj: GET FUCKED?
> 
> usj stops almost as soon as it starts, and our heroes face what can only be described as a localized zombie apocalypse, except the zombies have energy guns.  
> aka, its the chitauri invasion, babey!!!

The reason why Aizawa Shouta, who is a licensed underground hero & high school teacher at UA, hates teaching freshman, is that they _don't have any common sense_. He can't fathom it. How is he supposed to take 19 whiney, smart-mouthed children and turn them into respectable heroes? The thought is exhausting in it of itself. This is why he's constantly napping.

(“It's because you don't eat well, either,” the Hizashi inside his brain points out. “You don't eat well, you're doing two jobs at once, you don't write, you never call--”

 _Shut up,_ he tells his inner Hizashi. _You aren't helping._ )

The first semester trip to USJ isn't helping, either. Between wrangling permission slips and associated transportation costs from the kids and liability waivers for the bus company, he's ready to park himself in the USJ spectator booth and take a nap until lunch.

Which _, of fucking course_ , is when the _League of Villains_ jumps in and tries to slaughter himself, his 19 freshman, the Space Hero 13, and his _fucking son_.

(“Yo, Dad-sensei, can I go on the hero class field trip?”

“First, never call me that, especially at work. Second, I can only manage it if there's an opening, and third, what do your grades look like?”

There was an opening. _Of course there was an opening._ Fucking 19th Place can't keep his hands to himself, of course there was an opening after his in-school suspension.

Of course Hitoshi’s grades are impeccable. Shouta’s been teaching and talking about this material at home for years.

Of _course_ Shouta gives him a permission slip, talks to the principal about this. UA is built on nepotism. Why can't he take advantage of it, just this once?)

His kids start herding towards the entrance, Tenya acting as a sonic sheepdog. 13 is punishing anyone stupid enough to lunge towards the kids-- into their range-- by sucking them towards them and capping up their suit in time for Aizawa to slam them into the ground. The part of him that conflates these kids with Hitoshi is begrudgingly proud of the crowd control that Ojiro, Tsuyu, and Tooru are exhibiting, but most of him is planning the detention they're going to get for _engaging with known villains_ ; this entire class is going to ruin his life and make his blood pressure skyrocket.

Which, of course, is when the misty-headed villain takes a single step forward. 13 spins and aims their quirk directly at the villain, right as he apparently _opens up a portal_ to swallow up all of his children, his co-teacher, and his son, _without him_. This is, bar none, the worst day that he’s ever had to experience. He manages to dive into the portal before it closes, which hopefully means he will be deposited with his charges and not alone, fighting 47 villains at once.

 _All Might better get here fast,_ Shouta grouses, rolling out of the portal and into a combat ready stance, just in time for a fucking zombie to level a gun to his face. 

Shouta can feel his patience snap, but in the split second before he lassos the FUCKING ZOMBIE, a laser blindsides his opponent and sends it sprawling to the concrete. “Non, non, non,” Aoyama tuts, striking a pose. (God, these kids are exhausting.) “I should have known!” He backbends and grazes another zombie (how many ARE there) as Shouta gets his head back in the game. In-between slamming FUCKING ZOMBIES into the pavement, he hears his kids chatter absently. Aoyama punctuates his lament about his “curse” and “hair sense” (?) with his navel laser. He's got surprisingly good aim, considering how weirdly positioned his laser is. Shouta will need to note that for official commendation, because the game seems to have changed. It's FUCKING ZOMBIES now, so it's an all hands on deck situation. Shouta could even give _Bakugou_ official commendation in a situation like this.

13 falls back into playing crowd control with Uraraka-- she floats the zombies, which makes it easier for 13 to obliterate them with the cold and uncaring vacuum of space. Shoji, Kaminari, and Yaoyorozu have made a surprising team-up, but when one of you can make a taser, another can charge the battery and provide a killing current, and the third can grapple and hold a FUCKING ZOMBIE still effectively, he supposes it was only natural.

Shouta doesn't bother to flare his quirk, because he's not wasting his time on that shit. The zombies seem more or less uniform, decomposing and frostbitten ( _it's warm out? Why are they frostbitten, file that away_ ) but don't look like the shambling corpses from the movies. If they're all identically dead, they shouldn't have a quirk to suppress in the first place. Zombies can't use quirks in the movies, and it feels sad that Shouta has to rely on hokey B-movie logic.

He punches one of them and uses its shoulder as a fulcrum. Violence will simply have to soothe his sadness. Shouta pivots, and slams his foot into another zombie’s helmeted cheek in a spinning kick.  God, it's so stupid. Why is he in close combat with _zombies?_ Why is he like this? Hizashi would kill him for getting bitten somehow and becoming part of the undead horde.

The next zombie he takes care of with his capture scarf. He captures (heh) an arm (how are they gripping guns with decaying hands, nothing makes sense, UGH) and tugging, but close combat is just more satisfying. He jerks the zombie down as he brings his knee up. The crunch of the armoured knee pads under his tracksuit against the bone of the zombie’s face is so rewarding. His inner Hizashi is crying at his recklessness.

He hears Ashido scream “duck!” and hits the pavement. Unearthly howls precede the sound of searing flesh and dropping bodies; when he thinks it's safe to look up, he sees Sero landing on a light post, Ashido taped haphazardly to his chest. He peels off more tape from his elbows and Ashido, hands still smoking, applies more tape to their gym clothes. He catches Tsuyu, out of the corner of his eye, hurling herself towards a building, and then it's back into the fray.

The last zombie goes down with an ice shard poking through the forehead-- his kids might be disasters, but at least they know to aim for the head-- when he manages to do a headcount. Okay, yes, there's 20 heads and a helmet, in various states of disarray. “Did anyone get bitten?”

20 heads and one helmet shake their heads no. “Tenya, keep everyone together. I'm too tired to be a teacher right now. 13, just... Do whatever, you're an adult. Hitoshi,” oh fuck that's his _son_ cradling a blood-splattered pipe, fuck _how_ could he have _missed that_ , “since you're not in the hero department and it's my fault you're here, I'm legally more responsible for you than any of the others. Stay by me.”

His son trots over to his side. “Really feeling the love, Dad-sensei.”

Shouta scowls and musses his son’s hair. In the background, his students howl over Dad-sensei. “This purple boy has some _real_ balls!” Kaminari crows from the crowd. Shouta sighs. “I’m only allowing this once.” He hopes he shoves enough foreboding feelings into that statement, but Tenya, of all rule-abiding people, fires back, “understood, Uncle-sensei!” Honestly that's either evidence that Tenya as a person is fracturing in the face of zombies, or the virtuous face of his weird-nephew person is peeling off to reveal the child raised by Iida Tensei, Meme Hero Ingenium.

His class mills about as Tenya tries to create order from chaos after memeing uncharacteristically. He catches snippets of conversation, and then abruptly tunes them out when he hears Hagakure and Tokoyami start arguing about wizards versus necromancers.

His biggest child-shaped headache speaks up over the din. “Aizawa-sensei,” Problem Child Midoriya asks, raising an (unbroken, _finally_ ) hand, “I don't see any familiar landmarks.”

“Fucking Deku, you don't know your goddamn way around every fucking city, that's not a fucking issue yet!”

“Oi,” his idiot son calls.

“Fucking _what,_ Eyebags?”

His son, his blessed idiot son, orders Bakugou to be quiet, which saves him the headache until someone inevitably bumps Bakugou. His son is the only person who understands his suffering.

“Put down the pipe, Hitoshi,” Shouts murmurs.

“Make me, Dad-sensei.”

“ _Please_ put down the pipe.”

 

\--- ---

 

Finding shelter wasn't so bad; whatever source the zombies had was either localized or destroyed, which saves him a headache. (It's still irritating to climb over their corpses.)

There are also plenty of abandoned buildings to hole up in-- Class 1-A finds an abandoned apartment building, some units caved in, other units lacking structural integrity. This is nothing that Sero Hanta, Tape Quirk Extraordinaire, claims that he cannot fix, which also saves him a headache. Kaminari was also surprisingly adept at rewiring the apartments and turning the electricity back on, but Shouta is honestly surprised that neither Bakugou nor Midoriya murdered each other turning the other utilities back on safely.

All in all, Shouta concedes that this is not the worst set of circumstances he's found himself in.

Making sure the roof wouldn't collapse on their heads takes a few days. Getting cable to keep the kids quiet took a day more, and Kaminari is also getting an official commendation just for doing that. And then the worst thing that could possibly happen, does, three hours later:

“Sensei, there's no Daily Pro Hero on any of the news channels!”

“What does that matter?”

In the scheme of things, Shouta rates television between Cheetos and dogs: distasteful, but a lot of people, especially Americans, like it, and thus has become something of a household staple. He doesn't really care for television unless he's sick or needs a distraction at 3 AM and nobody else is up. He doesn't really see why not having Daily Pro Hero is a huge deal.

Problem Child Midoriya wrings his hands. “Sensei, Daily Pro Hero is mandatory local programming. It has been since the Quirk Registration Laws in 1983, and was adopted in 125 countries, the United States included.”

From that, because he's literally incapable of not making theories, Problem Child Midoriya posits that the Wormhole Quirk managed to send them-- him, Class 1-A, 13, his _son_ , to some _time_ or some _place_ or _both_ , all of which are literally beyond his pay grade and also his fucking ability to comprehend, mostly because the logistics of surviving day to day with 19 extra children and no Hizashi literally makes Shouta want to scream and light something on fire, quite possibly his hair.

He is an _adult,_ Shouta reminds himself. He is an _adult_ and a _parent._ He can be mature.

“I am an adult,” he says out loud. The words taste hollow.

“Uhm,” Problem Child Midoriya responds.


	3. "what if raccoons had syphilis"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> povs this chapter: tony stark & tokoyami
> 
> guest starring: the class 1-a vine account

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont have another full chapter after this but i crave validation and also direction, so leave a comment or send me a message at (copy/paste this) gogogadget-im-going-gogoat.tumblr.com if theres a specific pov or event you think would be wild
> 
> i also have a chatfic in the works for the cat cafe hero verse (im calling this marvel universe-119 as in please call the police these children have stolen an apartment building & also my heart) so lmk what exactly you wanna see again at either of the above locations
> 
> also lmk if yall want a discord channel? or smth? god is it to early for that? its too early for that huh

Tony Stark strides into the press room in Stark Tower. The press do two things in near synchronicity:

  1. They all collectively lose their damn minds.
  2. When Tony holds up his hands, silence falls over the press pool.



They watch him like grizzly bears watch a waterfall. The point of press conferences is to force people to hang onto his every word, but the feeling of being dissected by reporters before he's even opened his damn mouth has always thrown him for half a second. He keeps expecting Anderson Cooper to threaten him with a knife for acquisitions details or something.

(Anderson Cooper hasn't been in a press pool since like 2004. Tony is distracting himself, again, and caught it before it could work, _again_.)

The disconcertion lingers under his skin as he takes to the podium. He does not fidget with his cuff links, his tie, or his glasses, as he makes his opening remarks.

“The entire city is in a state of devastation-- no, no,” he shushes the wash of murmurs, “Stark Industries, despite being Ground Zero, is not responsible for the portal above the city.

“Preliminary investigations have been classified until further notice, but _what I can tell you,”_ he stresses, “is...”

Tony looks at the cards again. The cue cards mostly have “that's classified” in various forms, and he has a fleeting memory of the cue cards from damage control after Obie. Classifying information is... Complicated, now. “I'm trying to find a way around some of these cue cards,” he addresses the crowd. “A lot of it's classified. And I get it, this is still in the early stages of investigation, but the city’s already estimated about five thousand casualties so far. The nation needs answers.”

And if Stark Industries, the apparent cause of the Chitauri disaster, doesn't provide any, their share prices are going to plummet faster than they already have. Pepper will actually kill him, find a way to raise him from the dead, and kill him again.

Tony checks the cue cards again.

Oh, fuck, this is going to look _so bad_ in the 7 o’clock news, won't it.

“What I can tell you,” he plods along, carefully, “is that-- and I swear to you, this is the God’s honest truth-- as far as we know, a wizard did it.”

 

\--- ---

 

The atmosphere of the room plunges into chaos as soon as Hagakure hears “a wizard did it”. It is also, Fumikage thinks darkly, how to tell the uneducated from those with true knowledge.

“I told y’all, I _called it!_ I told you it was some dumb wizard’s fault!” she crows.

“For the _last time,_ those who raise the dead are _necromancers_ ,” he snaps. The nightmare that this trip, now on day 3, has become, is unceasing. Fumikage has never had his patience tested so.

“This guy’s a doctor, and _he_ said it was a wizard! Wi-zard!”

“You'll need a _necromancer_ to raise your decaying flesh when I'm through with _you_!”

Dark Shadow hides with a screech when Aizawa growls _“behave”._ Hagakure finds herself tangled in a gordian knot of Aizawa’s capture tool, which Fumikage finds a cold comfort.

“We can't help it, Aizawa-sensei,” Ashido complains from her throne on the sofa. “We're _bored!”_

That is the crux of the matter. There are only so many home repairs that 20 teenagers and two adults can do to an abandoned apartment complex with only know-how and one child with tape for elbows. They haven't secured a steady food supply yet-- the pantries of the apartments have managed well thus far, but they are far from inexhaustible-- so Yaoyorozu's quirk is unsuitable for long-term use. Now that there is no heating or cooling units to fight into submission, it is only a matter of time before Bakugou snaps someone in half and marvels at their cooling red blood.

This situation is, in Fumikage’s humble opinion, a disaster looming ever-closer on the horizon.

The last bitter nail to be hammered into this coffin of misery comes when Aizawa-sensei came back from scoping out the neighborhood, days ago, and banned at least half the class from going outside, Fumikage included.

“A young girl was surprised when I stopped a mugger,” he told them all. “She thought I wouldn't help because she had a mutative quirk.” His gaze swept across the room and stopped briefly on Kouda, on Shouji, on Hagakure, Ashido, _Sero_ , _himself--_ and then damns them all. “It sucks, but I don't want anyone with an obvious mutative quirk going outside. It could be exceedingly dangerous.” Everyone else, he demands, must have a buddy at all times.

So it's been a week and a half of being caged, of his wings metaphorically clipped. If this were for anything other than obvious and immediate safety, Fumikage would have broken his jesses and escaped, damn the consequences.

It still chafes.

It does begin to chafe less, however, when Shouji discovers Vine. “It's a new website,” he tells Fumikage the next morning, as anxiety washed into tedium. “You make seven second videos and post them. It could be fun.”

“What could you even do in seven seconds? This folly is not something I would expect from you.”

Shouji shrugs, and gets a tea towel from across Fumikage’s kitchen space. “It’s something to do.”

...That is the crux of the matter, he supposes. He and Shouji puzzle out how to sign up for an account.

 

\--- ---

 

Kouda, on the other hand, has adopted a raccoon.

“Look at her little pizza hands,” he signs. “She's so hungry. I love her.” He feeds her another cube of pre-cut cantaloupe. Midoriya, hair now a shiny and uniform black, bought the melon from a corner store perhaps 5 blocks from here, bringing in a third to the Animal Conspiracy.

“I looked it up, and having a raccoon as a pet is illegal here.” Midoriya shows Kouda his phone. Yes, it does seem like that's the case. “We can’t-- Kouda, you have to let it go.”

“Shinsou wouldn't tattle,” Kouda replies, hands steady. Fumikage reaches for his phone slowly.

“That's-- that’s because Shinsou and Aizawa-sensei have similar taste in _domestic animals_.” Vine loads. Fumikage hits the record button.

“Are you saying I can't talk her into being quiet and polite?”

“She could have rabies, or tetanus, or-- or-- or, I don't know, syphilis! I don't know what raccoons can carry! What if we need to get shots! What if _she_ needs to get shots! What if we still contract a horrible and fatal disease from her! What--” Midoriya slows, and looks at Fumikage in horror. “What are you doing.”

“Filming.” The vine stops recording. The angle's off, but he supposes one must pay a price for art.

“This is _dangerous_ and _illegal_ and you’re-- you're _filming it_?”

“It's called citizen journalism, Midoriya! It’s probably in your syllabus for Intro to Heroics.” Fumikage shouts in surprise as 13 waddles past them. 13 peers into the baby-gated kitchen to examine the raccoon. “Oh, it's so cute! Probably pretty dangerous, though.”

Midoriya recovers in time from his surprise to yell “I TOLD YOU!” which, in turn, frightens the raccoon enough that she too screeches and then bites 13’s gloved hand.

_“Pizza Hands, no!!”_

So Kouda adopts a raccoon.

 

\--- ---

## extras: vines 1, 2 & 3

[Class1_A

Video caption: {TRANSLATED FROM JAPANESE: Tailman Strikes Back!!!} 

The video is slightly out of focus and the audio is garbled, but the subject of the picture-- blond, with a streak of black zigzagging through his hair, is yelling at a television offscreen, judging by the controller in his hands. From behind him, another blond vaults over the loveseat the subject is on, and-- using a surprisingly prehensile tail-- forces it to tip backwards and fall over. Screams of both terror and elation can be heard. The video cuts out as someone throws up a peace sign from the floor.]

 

[Class1_A

Video caption: C a t C a m ! ! !

The video quality is better in this, and focuses on an older man with long, unkempt hair. He’s speaking quietly to a young person with purple hair, and absently rubs at his eye with one hand. His fist is balled and the action looks vaguely cat like. Someone behind the camera stifles a giggle, and another whispers “nyah” under their breath. The older man’s head whips to the camera and his eyes begin to glow a menacing red, hair dancing around him and creating an unholy halo. The video cuts abruptly.]

 

[Class1_A

Video Caption: {TRANSLATED FROM JAPANESE: what if raccoons had syphilis}

A young man is arguing in rapid Japanese to an unidentifiable person. They are both standing outside of a small galley kitchen, where a raccoon is watching them carefully from behind a baby gate. The identifiable young man gestures wildly, towards the raccoon, who shrinks back a little, before the the young man breaks off and stares directly into the camera. The unidentifiable young person turns to stare at the camera, and the video cuts out as soon as what looks to be a living marshmallow strides into the frame.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so to keep this all straight in my brain & out there, somewhere, so people ask questions abt it: as a certain point the following things will happen:  
> -shoji opens up an etsy  
> -kouda and jirou become Oracle through the power of the PISA Box (it will make sense i promise you)  
> -we introduce matt murdock, vigilante at law  
> -the cat cafe opens  
> -aoyama and ashido do makeup tutorials on youtube  
> -midoriya gets involved with local politics bc theres no heroes to care abt  
> -yaomomo gets hired, maybe  
> -shinsou smashes a carton of half & half on the ground and yells SCATTER  
> -kaminari already has parents but the little bastard rat running his brain is cool with clint barton  
> -aizawa barters with baked goods  
> -Justice League Academy disbands almost immediately after midoriya downloads it & he is consumed with rage  
> -kirishima (or uraraka?) get hired  
> -PISA commits vigilantism. (thanks, kouda.)  
> -sero outflosses spiderman
> 
> thats all i can think of offhand. this fic is not out to hurt you, but the characters definitely hurt others, because theyre heroes & its what they do.


	4. workout compilation 1/?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this week: we introduce some marvel characters, we go on a brisk jog, and i really hope i conveyed the foreign language feeling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so before we begin, i want to explain myself as clearly as possible: theres maybe like 5 people i'd consider fluent in english, and i have my hcs abt that. Uraraka and KIrishima are none of these 5 people. thus, i tried to pick up on what my 10/11th grade feeling of puzzling out spanish was, which is: i know the base root word, and i know the tenses, so let me puzzle out what i need.
> 
> also sorry i just. i got comments that basically asked for more and i need to feel like ive done something before i can move forward. ill probably go back and hate this and edit it more

A whistling tea kettle wakes Ochako from down the hall, and the screaming raccoon wakes Kouda in a dead panic. Because nobody has any keys, the doors tend to stay open to each apartment; it’s mighty inconvenient when a girl wants to indulge and sleep in a little. Ochako does not know if she means herself or the raccoon right now, but she believes she deserves the lie-in, and gets up to say so, wrapped imperially in a fleece blanket for maximum coziness & authority.

The floors are cold, this early in the morning, with the sun peeking through the cloud-cover. Another rainy day, and someone’s  _ still  _ up with the sun, huh? Disgusting.

Instead of it being Asui-- Tsuyu-- like she’d expect, Yaoyorozu and Deku are sitting cheerfully at the counter in his and Kaminari’s kitchen, Kaminari himself nowhere to be seen. “Deku, you’re great and all, but I’m so tired, and I will deck you the next time you wake me up like this.”   
  


“O-oh! Uraraka! I’m so sorry, I didn't even realize this would wake anyone, let alone from so far away! We’ll have to, uhm, I suppose we’ll have to be quieter from now on--” Yaoyorozu covers a giggle with her tea cup.   
  
“Deku, please breathe.” He really is easy to wind up, huh? “What’s even going on here?”

“Ah, well, you see, Yaoyorozu saw me leaving this morning for my morning jog, and accompanied me, and we decided to have tea afterwards! I-- would you like some tea?”

This boy is too sweet! She can’t help but feeling a small pang of jealousy, but they seem like they’re happy enough, and Yaoyorozu seems keen on letting her join. She’s probably being silly. “I’d love to! Thanks!” Ochako lets the thought steep for a moment. “Wait, how early do you even start? Did Aizawa-sensei or 13 okay it?”

“Er.” “Approximately 5 this morning. Would you like to join us tomorrow?”

“Absolutely not. No way! That’s too early!” She laughs, and sips some of the tea. It’s really terrible; this must be why Americans drink so much coffee. Or else Deku doesn’t know how to brew tea, which is probably a dealbreaker. “It sounds like a good idea, though. Ugh. There’s no way I’d be able to keep on top of that without a buddy.”

They drop it and move onto different topics-- namely, what to  _ do  _ around here. They don’t have any papers, which makes getting a job difficult, and around half the class can’t really go outside, stymieing any group activities. They’ve gotten by so far with silly pranks and video games, but that’s gonna wear thin pretty soon. It really sucks, especially because she thinks window shopping (in a new dimension!) with Ashido would be a  _ hoot _ . This dimension sucks, honestly. Aizawa-sensei’s been in and out at random hours, and hasn’t really kept them in the loop about what he’s doing. She can only really hope it’s something to help get them home.

When that gets too heavy, Yaoyorozu maneuvers them around unhappy things with a deft hand and a keen head for small talk. The weather, the last show they watched, a beautiful bird they passed on their jog. When ( _ when _ ) they all get home, Ochako will fight anyone that wants to steal her away during their Hero PR unit. 

Kirishima rolls out of Kaminari’s bedroom and grumbles about stairs, and she has an epiphany. “Hey, you like working out, right?” Kirishima takes a minute to process the question, and the people already up at the table. That’s fair, because if that stupid tea kettle hadn’t been so loud, she wouldn’t have been up this early either. He really sleeps like a rock, huh.

“Uh. I guess?”

“Come jogging with me tomorrow! Like, nowish?”

“I- sure?”

Oh, score one for Uravity! She’s got a jogging buddy now, and can still--

The clock reads 7:43 AM. She groans. So much for sleeping in...

 

\--- ---

 

The sky opens up the next day while she & Kirishima are out. It’s pretty gross-- her parents talked a lot about acid rain and the weird smells the city had, but nothing about cities has made her feel so grimy before. Her skin just feels a little chalkier where the rain rolls down. They really ought to have just started earlier, but neither of them were willing to wake up with the early birds,  _ Deku _ . No wonder he keeps snapping himself in half! What a masochist!

Kirishima grimaces as they run for cover under a storefront awning. “What a way to start a jogging routine, huh, workout buddy?”

“You’re sure right, workout buddy.” She squints into the downpour. “Dang, I don't think I see any cafes in the area, either. No place to sit and wait this out...”

“Uraraka, I think you’re overthinking this. There’s a store right behind us.”

Kirishima holds the door for her, the bell attached chiming softly as it swings. The smell of sweat and chalk overwhelms her, and nearly drowns out the repetitive noise she’s come to recognize as fists on a punching bag. “Hello?” The sound slows in response, but doesn’t lose its rhythm.

They venture further in to find a young man, alone in a boxing ring. The bag in front of him is worn, like the bandages around his knuckles. Kirishima fidgets, eyes shining, as the man disengages from the bag for a millisecond and then reengages, leaning into a brutal right hook. The sound of tearing seams seems to break the young man out of his practice. “ _ The gym isn’t open today, _ ” the man says.

Oh no, a real conversation; her worst nightmare. _“I apologize for--_ no wait, this is a we situation-- Kirishima, does apologize change if it’s plural?”  
  
“Don’t think so? _I apologize, you apologize, he she we apologize--_ no, it’s the same.”

  
_ “We apologize for, uhm, intruder?” _ _   
_ _   
_ The man’s brow furrows as he unravels his bandages.  _ “Intruding?”  _ His gaze is patient, if unseeing-- it reminds her of Cementoss, a little, and it sets her at ease. “Yes!  __ We apologize for intruding.” Okay! That went well! Embarrassing, but well! 

Kirishima nods emphatically, and gestures to himself.  _ “It is rain... Rain? Rains?  _ No, hang on, current verbs are  _ -i-n-g, raining? A lot? Outside.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “I see.”  _ The man snorts, and smiles a little when Ochako stifles a giggle.  _ “You can wait out the storm here, then.” _ Yes! Score one for Ochako! (She thinks? She’s pretty sure!) Kirishima holds up both hands for a high five and she grins and slaps them both. Ochako is keen on examining that punching bag, and skips towards the ring. The man looks a little slack-jawed, which is rude! She's a hero-in-training, she's going to have to punch people someday. Probably.  _"May I-"_

“Uh, Uraraka? A little help?”

Kirishima starts to float. Oh, god,  _ why is he floating!  _ Her quirk, oh _no_ ; the high five totally activated her quirk, this could be really bad! It’s a good thing this guy is blind, otherwise Aizawa-sensei would have KILLED her for this. She cancels her quirk and Kirishima collapses back to earth, hardened. “Are you okay, Kirishima?”

“Ah, my pride hurts, and I think I landed funny--”   
  
_ “What the FUCK.” _

Oh, no, Aizawa-sensei’s going to murder them.  _ “Thank you for! Uhm! Thank you!” _ She hauls Kirishima up by the wrist and drags him out by the door. This is no time for gratitude.

They scramble out into the rain.

“Sensei doesn’t need to know about that, right?”   
  
“Oh, please, yes; let’s not talk about this ever again. Maybe let’s be... yoga buddies?”

“Sounds... well, trying anything new is the mark of a true man!”

 

\--- ---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> real talk: i wanted to have kiri, baku & clint in an i love lucy esque situation; where kiri said something, bakugou had to translate that to english, and clint in all his wonderful 80% deaf glory had to lipread and translate to ASL and respond thusly. i just dont have the kind of knowledge of japanese or ASL to pull that off, nor do i have the bandwith to do this. sorry rl depression & apathy hits me harder than a mac truck???
> 
> anyway. heres how the english situation goes:   
> kaminari has a surprising grasp of the english language, which is in my mind canon considering hes made references to Hemingway in the manga (choosing hero names). hes gotten this far bc he is constantly on the hunt for english music and also just is fucking relentless on like reddit and shit.  
> iida & momo are obvious. theyre high society, yaomomo presumably will have family connections overseas, and iidas family are legacy heroes. if either of them arent consistantly good at english bc of foreign interests ill light myself on fire.  
> midoriya & bakugou are fucking hero crazy. hero buckwild. they also get consistently good grades. bc of where he goes for research, midoriya both is a memer by association and also has been exposed to scarring, terrible internet things. bakugou is very strict about where he goes online-- very much creature of habit, as evidenced by his initial fighting style-- & thus while he knows terrible things (as he says a great many terrible things), he does not innocently click links in the hopes of finding a kernel of knowledge, and in that sense has less emotional scarring via the internet.
> 
> aizawa assumed that if he ever fucking needed english mic would be on hand and is regretting this every second of his goddamn life. 13 has gotten rusty. sorry 13 
> 
> i honestly wasnt expecting this uraraka&kirishima or the yaomomo&izuku friendship, but you know what? im digging it.


End file.
